Navigating the Five Stages of Empty Nesting: A Parent’s Journey

Parenthood is a rollercoaster, filled with highs and lows. It all culminates in one defining moment: waving goodbye as your child heads off to university. For parents left behind, it can be a bittersweet experience. Here’s a humorous and heartfelt look at the five stages of empty nesting from someone who’s been there—armed with a box of tissues and a sense of humor.

Stage 1: The Umbilical Cord Is Broken

As you drive away from their dorm, waving goodbye, you can’t help but feel the weight of the moment. They wave back until they disappear into a sea of students. You keep waving, long after they're out of sight. All the packing and preparing has culminated in this—your child’s new life, and your empty home.

Standing at home, every corner reminds you of them. Their room. The toys. The pictures. It's almost unbearable. You find yourself clutching the doorframe, heart heavy. Memories flood back, and suddenly it all feels surreal.

You remember their words, "I’ll call you every week." But as the days pass, your phone remains silent. They are out exploring new horizons, relishing their freedom. You, however, are left to navigate a world without them. You thought you wanted this freedom, but now it feels alien. You must pull yourself together—your child is still alive, and you have a life to reclaim.

Stage 2: The First Holiday Home

Finally, the first break arrives. You’re like a kid on Christmas Eve. Days are spent preparing their favorite meals, and their room is transformed into a cozy retreat. When they finally walk through the door, slouched under a backpack and glued to their phone, the reality hits: your plans collide with their apathetic demeanor.

“Hey,” they mumble, barely acknowledging your effort. You ask a barrage of questions, eager for stories and experiences. “How’s it going?” “What’s the dorm like?” Each question is met with nonchalance, and you’re left grasping for any scrap of information.

Their dismissive responses—“It’s alright”—echo in your mind. Your heart sinks. How could they not see the excitement, the adventure? You reminisce about your university days, facing a wall of indifference. They are slipping away, and you wonder when you became a distant memory in their life.

As you share how you miss the connection, it’s comforting to know you’re not alone. Friends with kids in university share similar struggles. Still, you can’t shake the feeling that your role has shifted dramatically.

Stage 3: Their First Summer after Freshman Year

The summer break returns, and your university student is home, but it’s a different vibe. Their car is stuffed with stuff, and you’re left wondering what half of it is. “Where did this come from?” you inquire, holding up a random item. "Oh, just something I picked up at school," they say carelessly.

The thrill of having them home quickly fades. Their focus seems to be on the job they’ve secured to fund their next year at university. At first, you welcome their presence, picturing bonding moments over coffee or family dinners. Instead, you're met with silence.

Days become a blur of early mornings and late nights for them. You find yourself tiptoeing through your own home, hoping to avoid waking a sleeping student. When you do catch glimpses of them, they’re exhausted.

“Maybe later,” they say dismissively when you suggest a family day out. And while "later" never comes, you cling to the hope of sharing quality time, even as they retreat into their own world. You realize they’re learning valuable lessons about responsibility, and it's a bittersweet reminder of how things have changed.

Stage 4: The Great Flatting Exodus

When the time comes for them to move into their first flat, you face another wave of mixed emotions. They raid your kitchen like pirates, excitedly asking if they can take items you value. “You don’t use it anyway," they justify. As they drive away, you’re left with a kitchen half-empty and a heart a little fuller with pride and sadness.

Their departure feels significant. You sit quietly in your home, sipping tea from the only cup left. This is the letting go—the beginnings of a new chapter.

Stage 5: Liberation (At Last!)

Then, something remarkable happens. Amidst the silence, you realize you have regained your independence. The echoes of their absence transform into a peaceful calm. You find joy in the freedom to make meals for one again and organize your space without worry.

When they finally call, you’re genuinely happy to hear from them. But you no longer feel the ache that once accompanied their absence. You've discovered who you are outside of parenthood, and it's liberating.

Empty nesting isn’t the end; it’s an opportunity for growth. Your child’s journey is just beginning, and so is yours. Embrace the changes, for in this newfound space, both parent and child can thrive.

In the end, it’s not about letting go; it’s about allowing them to grow—and realizing that, in their absence, you’ve grown, too.

Marina Shearer

BSc Psychology, Diploma Professional Coaching, Master Trainer

Marina is the Director of Thrive For Life and also a coach, professional development expert, and facilitator who specializes in helping people develop themselves so they can be the best version of themselves and conduct their personal and professional lives more effectively. Marina is available for coaching students and parents. hello@thriveforlife.co